Teen aggression is scary and the behavior can strike when you least expect it. The last thing any parent expects is for their teenager to hit them or physically abuse them.
Sadly, many have tolerated verbal abuse, however when it escalates to physical harm it is dangerous and frightening as well as can be unsafe.
Physical abuse involves direct harm such as hitting, slapping, or even throwing objects at a parent including knives.
Since this behavior can typically be a shock for parent, few parents are prepared to respond to aggressive behavior from their teenager. It may seem impossible; however the most important reaction at the moment is to remain calm.
Why is your teen physically abusive
This behavior is a cry for help. It’s important to understand where this explosive behavior is stemming from.
There are several things that can increase the likelihood that adolescents will be aggressive. Although these things don’t ensure aggression, they can make it more probable that adolescents will choose aggressive responses to frustration. Understanding the risk factors for violence can give you a place to start thinking about making changes.
According to the surgeon general’s report on youth violence, these factors include:
- Aggression between parents (in two-parent homes)
- Single parent households
- Parent having been a victim of abuse as a child
- Very overprotective parents
- Parents who are “best friends” with their child
- Drug and/or alcohol use in the child
- Culture where it is believed that men are supposed to control the family
- Teens who do not take responsibility for their behavior
- Parents who do not hold teens responsible for their own behavior
Understand that teens who do not know how to solve problems seek control by acting out, being physically or verbally abusive, being destructive/explosive, or abusing substances. They do not know how to make friends or communicate to meet their needs. So, they turn to other ways to get their needs met—they turn to drugs and alcohol and inappropriate behavior.
What to do when your teen hits you
1. Stay Calm. Likely easier said than done, especially as your teen is going into a rage and becoming explosive as they destroy property in the house, such as punching walls or breaking doors. Next you realize you have become the target.
As difficult as it can be, it is imperative you remain calm — confronting your teen with more anger will only escalate the situation. If you lower your voice and speak more slowly, your teen may do the same because emotions are contagious.
2. Don’t Be a Parent in Denial. Many parents will make excuses for their teen’s behavior, since it is difficult to accept their once good teen is acting out so irrationally. Whether you want to blame it on a negative peer group, maybe too much screen-time or possibly substance use – the fact is your teen is choosing this abusive behavior.
Did you say no to something your teen wanted? Maybe removed their devices? There is absolutely no excuses for your child to attack you. It’s never okay.
3. Seeking Professional Help. Dealing with an abusive teenager is overwhelming and extremely challenging. It can not only destroy your home (literally) — but it can also ruin your family life in general. In many situations your teen will refuse to see a therapist or even the school counselor. Locating anger management classes should be a priority.
Some parents have had to have their teen admitted to a local hospital when they have become extremely out-of-control that a parent has feared for either their life or the life of their teen. Medical insurance typically covers these stays.
If this behavior continues or your teenager refuses to get help, it might be time to consider residential treatment. This will be a time where they can be removed from all the outside influences and focus on where their anger is coming from.
Therapeutic programs offer positive outlets that can help them develop coping skills and mechanisms to deal with stress and anger management — such as music therapy, art therapy, animal therapy and gardening therapy.
Learn more about therapuetic boarding schools and how they can help heal your hurting teenager.
Also read:
How Residential Treatment Succeeds When Home Therapy Fails
The Goals of Therapeutic Boarding Schools
Image credit: Freepik, gpointstudio
